Day 26

Every day seems to get harder and come with its own new set of challenges. My mom, who lives 4,000+ miles away in Florida, passed out yesterday. Although she hasn’t left the house in two weeks, she hasn’t been feeling well lately. She had a low grade fever of “100 point something”, according to my younger sister and has been feeling very achy.

Because I’m pregnant, she told my sister to swear not to tell me about what happened because she doesn’t want me to worry. Of course my sister did tell me and after thinking and crying by myself for a few hours, I called my mom.

I ended up getting her to tell me what happened herself and I told her she needed to call the doctor. My mom is a very spiritual and homeopathic medicine preferring woman and trying to tell her that she can’t rely on her essential oils as a form of medical care can be difficult. Thankfully, she did call up the doctor and like many others she got told the same thing. That she should monitor her symptoms, especially her temperature, and that if she feels that she needs to be tested for COVID-19 that it may be difficult as testing in the US is limited at the moment.

As far as I know, she is doing better. But this whole situation is becoming too much. My dad passed away when I was 21 and my mom is the only parent I have left and I can’t even imagine what life would be like without her. I don’t want to imagine that, but that’s all I could do yesterday.

It’s hard feeling so helpless in this pandemic. As a microbiologist, I felt that I had a bit more knowledge on what’s going on in the beginning. And to an extent, I do. I know what a virus is and I know the components that make up a virus. I understand the biology of a viral infection and the epidemiology in how it spreads. But the truth is, I feel helpless and useless. The reason I picked this field was because I understood the vitality of our relationship with microorganisms and I wanted to be a part of something bigger to help the greater good. But right now, as a student in a new country where I’m not licensed to work yet because of the bureaucratic nonsense that is the IBMS and HCPC, I feel completely useless.

This post doesn’t even have a point anymore, I’m just scared and caught up in my emotions. But it’s hard not to be right now. It’s all hitting a little too close to home for me now.